Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I am Spartacus .. I am Spartacus!

So lets be Frank, Immortals sucked balls right? but noooooooo look at IMDB..you gotta be kidding me an average of 8 over 10????!? heh? The comic bookstore guy (heh cam Simpsons lak) that eavesdrop on my conversation with my cuzz about how sucky that movie is (cuzz lom tgk) said the movie was not bad..I'm like eh? Fortunately going to office this morning..a colleague of mine flat out said the movie sucked...and Thank Youuuuu!!!! I'm not alone , seram dah aku ingatkan aku sorang je kata movie ni entah apa-apa. Anyhoo here's a rundown of what happen during the movie, note that the timeline may not be accurate as I'm old and my memory sux specially while watching dumbass white movie.

entering the cinema :
ooooooouh underworld 3D! Kate such a hottie and she's near 40!

next preview : another nic cage movie and what's with the hair?...ouh! Guy Pearce!

starts : kejadah awal2 ada potong..sigh censorship, u allow people to bring in infants into cinema but it's a no-no when a scene is overly gory (ok enuff rant)

opening scene : ouuh those titans look menacing...ok wtf is with the dude with the bow headgear?...

history lesson time : ok so Titans are god-like or god? me don't get it (serve me right for relying on the subs too much)

and so it begins : ...lalala boring boring boring..hmm this old dude looks familiar...Gandalf? *note to self gotta check the credits later

paint drying : ...ok who's that bitch that push Theseus's mom into the pond?..the nerve for calling someone whore..ur the whore! (aku emo tetiba) ..heh..another weird headgear.

paint drying not any faster : Theseus commenting on the priest's headgear (seeeeee!)..more boring moments

I'm gonna say Imperial Guards? are coming : ...eh I know that dude..Klaus of Vampire Diaries! ..(yeah I watch Vampire Diaries..sue me)

lalalala : some mindless fighting...and Klaus got "potong tangan" as the subs say...hey at least the subs are entertaining...(potong tangan..bwahahahah!)

traitor : should have figured Klaus is a douche..he got the face for it...eh what the what...oh hell no! anywhere but there..fuh,thank god for censorship..eh?

attack on the village : finally some great action scenes..that Theseus coming to mom's rescue was well choreographed, not as good as the double team action in 300 but still pretty rad.

gods looking over : ...ok seriously what's with the headgear??!?!?!? Poseidon looks like Princess Leia!...and look at em posing looking over the humans...pffft..abih pious ler tu.

enter the boring Oracle : boring Oracle coming through..but lookie what we got here..Stephen Dorff! wohoo! now we're talking. (later)..so that's how Oracle transfer water..I dunno if I should be arouse or disgusted by this..ok I'm going with disgusted . (much later) ..the sisterhood in a trance..eh not sexy enough...but wait! some stabbings occurred..now THAT is sexy!

yadayadayada : Poseidon looking all sly "helping" out the humans and later the sisterhood of the oracle going all Spartacus on Hyperion (and his WTF headgear)....I'm the oracle..no I'm the Oracle...I'm the Oracle!...hehe in my head it was all I'm Spartacus...this is how I amuse myself..god.

more yadas : back at old village..found the bow (how convenient)..minotaur attacks! and no..I wasn't excited..and then the awesome arrow's ability is shown..but if u've seen the trailer it's nothing new...I'm Spartacus! (can't help it)

now that oracle is a ho! : first clear shot of getting laid and she went for it..but what about ur ability dumbass!..at least keep it till all is over...shesh...oh well there are some gratuitous nudity...WHICH IS CUT OUT!

after sex : ..they went to one of Hyperion's base..and somebody is trying to push a cow statue over..I've seen this form of torture before but can't recall where...oh well. and lookie lookie what we have in here..I'M SPARTACUS..I'M SPARTACUS..I'M SPARTACUS..and oracle unconvincingly cries.

god action : yea god to the rescue!!..but but.what the what..everyone on the floor already?..I only saw like 2 kills...haiyaaaaaaaaaa!..oh Zues came..and he looks pissed..and then he whipped Ares..whip him good!

@ some mountain fortress later : maannn the horsies died..sian...and then begins what I feel like a whole lot of yadayadayadas.

fight begins : ..Theseus gave a speech..I didn't buy it..I would have run and wish em all the best..then begins the tunnel fights which was okay..but not great.

Klaus! : ..eh ITU JER??? to quote a friend of mine...MOTIF?

Titans are loose : ...and Steohen Dorff just died (ok I'm over this movie)..but wait the gods came down (without their headgears thank god!)..and battle ensues ..not too shabby..specially when the gods started dying WOHOO..I'm team Titan..kill em kill em all! (p/s: zues must have been kicking himself for killing Ares earlier..he is in fact God of War)...

In the end : The gods lost..Zeus cheated, Hyperion died but I forgot how cause it was too boring...Theseus went somewhere..and fast forward some years later Theseus's kid is looking at Theseus statue that tells/carves the not that awesome event..the carvings are nude I might add..pervs. The end!...oh the credits..John Hurt!..cool...but that's about it.

Overall...shoot me now.


asrap virtuoso said...

coz i was bored through out the movie the only thing i keep thinking of was the old man looked familiar... haha... he was in V For Vendetta

reza said...

well I know him more as the dude that got his chest bust from an Alien...:D